Unvalidating


02-Sep-2020 01:17

(Making recordings this way is illegal in some states, but it is not illegal for me to listen to them).

Patients brought me these tapes primarily because they were tired of other therapists continually insisting that their memories and descriptions of interactions with their families were all distorted.

The second idea is that when children in a family are continually invalidated by their parents, they start to give them what the children think they want: saying and doing things which literally invite other people to invalidate them. I at first thought that maybe Linehan was re-discovering the wheel, but then I went back to the old book to look at how they defined disqualification.

To my surprise, disqualification is something one does to oneself, not to someone else.

One disqualifies oneself when one is afraid to say what one really feels or means for fear that others will reject it.

unvalidating-63

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That ties into the second point of this post, but more about that in a minute.

Listeners would have no way of knowing this, and would be inadvertently led to believe that they were being mistreated by the apparent invalidator. I had a big clue that invalidators may actually be thinking about themselves when they appear to be invalidating others.



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